The mom guilt is real y’all. I am constantly reminded of all the wonderful things everyone else does with their babies and most days all Scarlett and I do is hang around the house. Social media makes us more aware as parents to what everyone else is doing and we, or at least I sometimes seem to think, well gosh, I am just as boring as they come. We aren’t doing all those fun activities and adorable and age appropriate crafts and science experiments. I count it as a win when Scarlett will draw or color for ten minutes while I wash the dishes or vacuum the house, let alone sit and do some sort of painting or what have you. It goes back to that ol’ comparison thing…
I noticed the days I am off of social media and don’t pick up my phone at nap time to check Facebook “quick” or to scroll through my news feed while Scarlett is playing independently, I am overall happier. I am also less likely to feel that mom guilt creeping up in me, because when you only have yourself from the day before to “compare” today to it makes you feel pretty great! I have been actively working to reduce my screen time, I want to show Scarlett that a phone or some facade we put on social media isn’t important, and definitely not important when it is up against time spent together laughing and cuddling and just being together. It has made me a much better mother, person and wife. I am more aware of all the fantastic things in my life and just how wonderful my life is when I am not constantly focused on what everyone else is doing and how much more exciting their lives all seem compared to mine. I am not sure what brings out all of my mom guilt, it is different some days than others and some days I just plain don’t care what anyone else is doing. When I do get that feeling in the pit of my stomach that I am just sucking at it all, it comes on strong! I start to question everything and worry that I am not a good enough mom. I think it makes it more difficult too when we as mothers are constantly feeling judged as well, it adds an entirely new dynamic to it all.
“There will be SO many times you feel like you’ve failed. But in the eyes, heart and mind of your child you are SUPERMOM.”
You know what I mean by judgement too… IT IS EVERYWHERE! I am guilty of judgement too, I may not have ever said it to someone’s face but the Bible says by thinking it, you are just as guilty as someone who does it. You get judgement for vaccinating for not vaccinating, for not feeding your kid organic grass-fed everything, for feeding your kids processed food and McDonald’s, for not taking your kid outside enough, for not making them say yes ma’am and no ma’am for potty training them too early or too late… Trust me, I can relate to each and every one of those statements. I’ve gotten side eyes and tons of unwanted advice over the past two years. Scarlett is a terribly picky eater and it is a daily struggle to get anything nutritious in her and honestly some days I just am tired of fighting and stressing out about it. But that doesn’t make me immune to the criticism I have gotten because all she had eaten in a day was Cheerios and cheese puffs. It’s the, “That’s not good for her, you need to change that,” comments that seem to cut the deepest. It is like a blatant attack at my parenting, or at least that it was it always feels like, even if it was just intended to be friendly and helpful. Sometimes, it just hurts to feel like you are failing and that someone else noticed. It always seems to play into that mom guilt insecurity that you aren’t doing enough or you’re just failing… Guess what though, you aren’t!
We as mother need to stop trying to give unwarranted advice, I am SO guilty of this on occasion, I try so desperately not to ever give unwarranted advice or to not make another momma feel insecure or like their decisions are wrong. Because honestly, I believe that every momma is doing a fantastic job and they are doing exactly what God intended them to, after all, he did give us our babies because he knew we would be the mother they needed. I personally feel like being a mother is the absolute greatest gift and job the Lord has ever bestowed upon me. I am so thankful to be Scarlett’s momma and she is just the absolute best little girl I could have ever asked for, she is the light of my little world and one of the biggest parts of my universe. I am sure every mom would say the exact same thing about their babies as well and that is why I truly believe every momma is doing an amazing job at being a mother.
Encouragement is what we all need, whether that be in form of prayer for one another or through fellowship or just personal quiet time with ourselves and Jesus but we all desperately need our tanks filled at the end of each day. I get my tank filled through love and laughter and in the quiet moments I spend with the Lord in prayer and praise. Getting my tank filled rejuvenates me as a mother and helps me to be the absolute best I can be for Scarlett, my temper isn’t as short my worries are almost non-existent and I am less likely to let that mom guilt creep into my thoughts and heart. We are all guilty in some way of judgement or just succumbing to that ever-present feeling of mom guilt, but it’s how we decide to change or recover from it that truly matters.
Her children rise up and call her blessed.